Everything I'm Not
by LeaderOfTheRevolution
Summary: ZeroxOC oneshot turned ongoing story, now completed. "Am I any less human just because I'm not Yuki?"
1. Not Yuki

A/N: I was reading the manga the other day and decided that basically, Zero has nobody to love. I mean, Yuki is completely tied to Kaname, which sucks because Zero loves her. So I made this little oneshot for him. (it was late at night, so if it sucks, just tell me).

:]

-**SPOILER ALERT-**I wrote this, ignoring the whole Zero-Drank-Kaname's-Blood-So-He's-Normal, thing. Because that is not dramatic. Haha.

This could be a two-shot if people actually like it and I get enough reviews. :]

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Not Yuki

She wakes up beside him, smiling. The smile quickly vanishes. He is still asleep, and there is a name on his lips that he murmurs quietly.

"Yuki."

For two years, Yuki Cross has been missing. Well, that's what they're calling it. That's the only thing Kaien Cross will say on the matter.

Two years since Yuki picked Kaname, a pureblood vampire, over the man in the bed beside her. Two years since Yuki chose vampire over human. _Two full years_ since Yuki abandoned him, condemned him to fall closer to Level E.

And he still says her name in his sleep.

With a sigh, the dark redheaded girl steps out of bed and begins to dress.

"Amaya?"

She doesn't have to look to know he's awake. His tone is different from a moment ago when he spoke Yuki's name. _There he goes_, she thinks. _Calling me by my surname again. _Her name is Suzue. Easy enough to remember, but she can't recall ever hearing him say it. She holds back another sigh and hears the rustling of sheets as he sits up.

"Come here, Amaya."

It's not his low, commanding tone that has her crawling over the queen-size bed towards him, nor the knowledge that he has to feed. She loves him, plain and simple. When the affection started, exactly, she herself doesn't know. Was it when she saved him from suicide the night Yuki left? Was it when she offered him her blood? Was it during the conversation when she told him of her older sister's descent into Level E after the murder of her father? Did it occur before or after their first night together almost ten months ago?

She doesn't have an answer for these questions. His fangs pierce her neck and she sits still as he drinks. The wounds from before are not yet healed. After all, they do this almost every night. The tender yet firm way he holds her to him momentarily distracts her. He stops sooner than usual, wiping his chin with the back of his hand and holding her gaze with his hypnotizing eyes. She glances down. The bed sheets are soaked in her blood. She'll have to wash them in warm water with a ton of bleach so it doesn't stain.

"Something's wrong," he observes.

"Nothing's wrong, Zero." For once, her voice is as flat as his. She turns away from him, begins to button her blouse. It's black, like most of her clothes. She learned early on that bloodstains don't show up on black.

"You're lying."

She waits a beat before responding. Searching the floor for her skirt, which she can't seem to find, she says, "This month's rent is due at the end of the week."

Her back is still to him. He doesn't reply; she didn't expect him to. Silence fills the apartment.

"Did you dream about Yuki?" she asks softly. She tries to play it off as casual.

He hesitates. "Yes."

Her heart, which has been steadily pounding harder and harder, suddenly stutters. She clutches at her chest, hunching over. She had known it would be his answer, so why did it still hurt so damn much?

"Why do you ask, Amaya?"

She doesn't say anything, doesn't look at him.

"Is your neck hurting you?"

She stands abruptly, her dark eyes closed. "Just go look for her already. It's killing you."

His eyes are narrowed, she can hear it in his voice. "You are so anxious to get rid of me? Do you not want me here, Amaya?"

She tries to hold back the laughter that threatens to bubble forth, and it comes out as a strangled snort. "Do _you _even want to be here, Zero?" she counters. "I'm a human. You used to hate feeding off of humans, it was like pulling teeth to get you to drink enough to survive. You were disgusted by yourself when you fed from Yuki. But with me, it doesn't even phase you. Am I disposable, because I'm not Yuki? Am I any less human just because I'm not Yuki?"

He looks a little stunned, the closest his expression can go to shock. "Amaya--"

"Stop it." Her eyes are wide as the pain in her chest becomes excruciating. _Just once, call me Suzue, Zero._ She sinks back onto the bed, rests her elbows on her knees, and tangles both hands in her hair. She tries to squeeze her eyes shut again. "I don't want to hear my last name anymore. I'd even rather you not call me anything at all than hear you say my last name again."

Seconds tick by in which neither of the two say anything.

"I know you're not Yuki," he says finally. He makes no move to reach for her, though somewhere in her mind she wishes he would.

"Do you?" she thickly asks. "Do you, Zero? Because I'm done being a substitute. I'm done!"

_Plip_. A drop of blood lands on her bare leg. Her neck is dripping. _Plip_. Another, but not blood. A tear. She touches her cheek in horror. She's crying. She hasn't cried since her sister, and that was years ago.

_Damn him_. She wraps her arms around herself, shaking. _Plip. Damn him! Plip. Why did I have to fall in love with _him_? Plip, plip. I wish this had never happened! None of it! I'd give it all back if this feeling would just go away!_

_Just go away..._

"Just go away."

The bed creaks slightly as he stands and dresses. "I see. I've hurt you."

She knows he's not just talking about her neck. His voice is robotic. She hears no remorse. Wiping furiously at her face, she turns to look at him. The apartment, however, is empty. Zero is gone. She buries her head into the pillow and screams in frustration and pain. _Never again_, she promises herself. _Never again._

"I love you, Zero Kiryu," she whispers to the pillow. The sentence hurts her to much. It tears her inside out.

She holds the pillow tightly against her and cries alone until, drained, she falls into a dreamless sleep once more.

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He doesn't need to go looking for Yuki. He knows where she is, has known for six months. She is happy with Kaname.

An overwhelming sadness surges through him, an emotion he does not want to feel. It is so different from the calm feeling of belonging that he had once had. The one he cares for doesn't want him. What kind of life can he possibly offer her anyway? He is a vampire, doomed to the inevitable madness of Level E. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves better.

Suzue Amaya is not Yuki Cross.

Maybe that is part of the reason why he loves her.

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A/N: what'd you think?

i can do a second chapter if anyone liked this. please **review** and let me know.

^_^


	2. Bloody Rose

A/N:i got four reviews, so...at least four people want me to put another chapter. here it is.

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol was my inspiration for this. you guys should listen to it. it's a great song.

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight nor any characters associated with it. I do own Suzue Amaya and the two OCs (vampires) in this chapter.

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Bloody Rose

It barely takes her two days to realize her mistake. She's at work, busing tables, when she comes to the realization that makes her nearly drop everything. She stands perfectly still, afraid to move, afraid to breathe.

_I made him leave. Oh God. I've done exactly what she did. I abandoned him_.

Her boss comes into the back, demands to know what she's doing. She rips off her apron, tells him she quits, and runs out of the restaurant. The job is not important. The apartment's not important. He's important.

She can't find him. Panic begins to rise in her. Where is he?

_Oh, God. If he's killed someone..._ He wouldn't. Zero wouldn't.

_If he kills himself, I swear I'll just--_ She stops, pausing in the middle of the sidewalk. People moving on either side of her glance her way, but if she notices, she doesn't care. She hangs her head, hides her face from passerby with her long hair. She stares at her feet with wide eyes. _What will I do?_

Like with so many other questions, she doesn't have an answer.

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She arrives on campus of Cross Academy in the middle of the night. Her hands are in the pockets of her long jacket, and her fingers lightly touch Bloody Rose, which Zero had left behind. Reassured, she strolls confidently. There is a faint breeze. A vampire is suddenly in front of her. His hair is blond, spiked, and his fangs gleam brightly in the darkness as he smiles.

"Well, hello," he says.

"Let me pass." Zero taught her never to back down. They take weakness, they use it. Zero and Yuki had had advantages; Zero was a vampire himself, and Yuki was connected to Kaname, the president of the Night Class. Suzue Amaya, as a human, has none such advantages.

"I'll let you pass if you play with me a little." The vampire licks his lips.

She draws her gun, holds it to his forehead. "I'm not in the mood for games, I'm afraid."

The vampire's eyes widen. He recognizes Bloody Rose.

"Now, I don't know about the new Prefects or Guardians or whatever they're being called now," Suzue hisses, "but _I will_ shoot you. Kindly move out of my way."

Wind whips her hair back gently as more vampires appear, circling her. She recognizes none of them. All the ones she went to school with have gone. The new ones seem to have no restraint. One of them steps forward, his black hair long and wild. His eyes remind her of Kaname.

"What mess have you gotten yourself into now, Shio?" he says.

The vampire in front of her glances toward the one speaking. "It's not my fault. I thought she was a snack."

The Kaname-look-alike has his hands in his pockets. He speaks in a nonchalant manner, as though the young vampire's actions don't bother him in the least. "What would the Headmaster say, Shio? He wants us to co-exist peacefully with the humans."

"I know that," Shio snaps. "But those blood tablets are horrible, Rinji-sama. They don't slake the thirst at all. This chick was just asking to be attacked, walking around at night alone."

Rinji, who Suzue could easily assume was the new Night Class president, spoke to her. "Your appearance suggests you are not a student."

Her gun hand doesn't even twitch, though her mind is in a turmoil. Adrenaline pumps heavily through her veins. "I graduated two years ago."

He bows slightly, a smirk on his face. "My apologies, senpai."

The honorific is only used to mock her. "I'm here to see the Headmaster. Or would you prefer I just shoot him?" She uses her free hand to gesture at Shio.

"No need for violence, senpai. If you are a friend of Headmaster Cross, we shall not restrain you." Rinji's voice is level. "However, it would be in everyone's best interest if you first lower the gun."

_This is wasting time, _she thinks in a panic. _He could have left by now. He could be gone by the time I even get to the Headmaster._

She pushes past the vampire, Shio, with her gun, tucking it safely into the pocket of her jacket. Once inside the building, she runs. Bursting through the doors of the Headmaster's office, she is relieved to discover that, although it is nearly midnight, Kaien Cross is at his desk. He looks up in surprise.

"Suzue?" He blinks behind his glasses. "What are you doing here?"

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"I'm not accustomed to having you in my office, my dear." He pours her a cup of tea and chuckles. "Well, yes I am. Usually, however, you did not come willingly."

Suzue gives a strained smile, well aware of the rule-breaking antics she had been brought to this office for when she was in school. "I don't suppose you've spoken to Zero recently?"

The Headmaster gets a sad look on his face as he considers her question. "No, I can't say I have. He hasn't contacted me since he left. It's my understanding that you two left at the same time. Did you not keep in touch?"

Kaien's choice of words, nor the twinkle in his eyes, are not lost on Suzue. Her face goes red. She knows that he knows. The Headmaster never was very good with keeping a poker face.

She avoids his eyes. With a knowing smile, he gestures towards her neck. "The bandages made it obvious, Suzue."

Her hand goes to her neck, where she had wrapped long lengths of white bandages in an effort to hide the puncture wounds from the man who had just a few days ago been her lover. She had thought that the high collar of her jacket would have hidden it.

"He needs to feed, Kaien-senpai," she says. Something in her wanted to call him Headmaster, to regain the years where all she had to worry about was detention for getting caught putting fruit punch in the fountain. "If you know where he is, please tell me."

"I can't do that, Suzue." He folds his hands together. "He told me not to."

She leans forward in her chair. "So he _has_ been to see you! Please, tell me where he--"

"He doesn't want you to find him."

For a moment, she just sits frozen, her eyes very wide. Then she suddenly explodes. _Bam_. Her hands slam onto his desk and she stands up, her face furious. She buries the pain inside, focusing only on the anger.

"What do you mean he doesn't want me to find him?" she asks dangerously.

"He doesn't want you anywhere near him--"

"I don't give a shit what he wants!" she hisses, leaning forward until she is so close to the Headmaster that she can see her reflection in his glasses. "I refuse to abandon him. I don't care what he thinks of me. I will not be like _her_!"

The silence that follows proves that the Headmaster knows exactly who she means by 'her'. "You're only human, Suzue. If he feeds from you again, you'll die."

"If I let myself allow him to become Level E, I'll die," counters Suzue fiercely.

_I don't care if he doesn't want me for more than my blood. He can't become that...that..._ She can't finish her own thought. _I won't let him_.

"It's not up to you," he says sadly, and that's when she notices that he has already resigned himself to what Zero will become.

_Why has everyone given up on him?_

"If he doesn't want to be found, Suzue, you will not find him."

With a wordless shout, she turns on her heel and exits, slamming the door behind her. For a long while, Kaien stares after her. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes tiredly. _I wonder if I should have told her how he feels for her_, he thinks. _No. That would only have made things more unbearable. _With a sigh, he turns off the light.

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_I won't give up on him. I won't! _The tears sting her eyes as she hurries around the campus. She is searching, but she starts to realize she will not find him. The Headmaster is right. If Zero does not want to be found, he will not be found. She stumbles over a tree root, cries out as she feels her ankle twist, and leans on the tree. She sinks to the ground slowly, as the invisible knife in her heart twists deeper.

_I can't save him. I can't do _anything_. I'm just fooling myself to think I could help._

Laughter travels to her ears. "Back so soon, _senpai_?" comes a mocking voice.

Shio is but three feet from her. She closes her eyes, to his immense surprise.

"Do what you want, vampire," she says. _I don't care anymore._

"It's no fun when they don't struggle," pouts Shio. He saunters toward her. "Oh well. I'm too thirsty to care much."

He grabs a fistful of her hair, tilts her head. Her pale neck is exposed. He licks his fangs in anticipation. Dimly, Suzue registers that if he doesn't kill her, she'll just become a Level E herself. Her fingertips brush Bloody Rose in her jacket pocket and she smiles. No, she won't. She won't let it get that far. If she lives through this vampire's feeding, it will be a simple matter to place the barrel to her temple and pull the trigger. Little effort. She resigns herself to her fate as the vampire places his sharp fangs to the skin of her neck.

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A/N: good chapter? continue? stop?

feedback appreciated everyone.


	3. First Kiss

A/N: well i went from four to ten. so i'm guessing you guys want another chapter.

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First Kiss

It isn't easy for her to pretend that it is Zero draining her blood, her life. The vampire Shio is rougher, the pain more excruciating and drawn out than she is used to. She never before considered that Zero had been gentle with her all those nights.

_Zero..._

"Nngh." Shio bites harder and she grunts at the pain.

_One more time_, the Headmaster had said. One more time and she dies. The bloodied bandages from her neck lay discarded. Her energy is disappearing, her vision beginning to dim. Her mind conjures his image. Not the image of the vampire attacking her. The vampire she loved. Her mind wanders briefly to things so minuscule that she hasn't thought of them before. It must be the blood loss.

_He never kissed me. _That's what lovers did, didn't they? At some point during the frenzy of sex, they kissed, right? Lips would meet, wouldn't they? Tears course down her cheeks. She imagines she must be half dead by now.

It should be impossible to love him this much after everything that's happened.

"Zero."

Shio pulls away from her neck, her blood dripping from his mouth. His grin is feral. "You shouldn't mention another man's name. It's rude. It makes even the best of us go..." He chuckles. "..._crazy_."

He sinks his teeth deeply into the inside of her right forearm with such suddenness and ferocity that her human instincts take over and she screams. Shio snarls abruptly and pulls away from her. There is a figure behind him. Suzue's weakly-beating heart jumps in elation. The figure has silver hair and violet-grey eyes. She knows him she recognizes him. She loves him.

He is scowling, holding a long rod, the other end of which is pressed against Shio's back. The vampire hisses loudly at the contact. The Artemis Rod. Suzue tries to blink away the darkness encroaching on her eyesight. She wants to see him clearly before she dies. He came to save her. She wants to see him, wants to leave this life with his image fresh in her mind.

Say his name. Try. Just speak his name.

"Zero." Her voice is faint, weak, and it breaks. Her breath is coming in short spurts. Say something else. Anything. Tell him you love him. "I..." She can't. It hurts too much. She fears the rejection she knows will come with those words. So she holds it inside. "The Artemis Rod. It's burning you."

And it is. Where his hands touch the rod, they are being burned. Sparks fly. Shio's back is smoking. Zero keeps his eyes on the vampire, but he speaks to her. "You're bleeding against a tee and yet you're concerned for me?" In a voice so low that she doesn't hear, he mutters, "I don't deserve you."

"What?" She coughs, turns her head to the side, spits blood. It amazes her that after all she's lost, there's still excess blood for her to spit.

"I don't share," says Shio. "Especially with a low-class vampire like you. Find your own meal."

Shio is squeezing her wrist. Blood drips from the bite marks in her arm, and she can see Zero's eyes go immediately to it. His irises go from purple, the purple that she loves, to red. The tattoo on his neck glows, it's intricate pattern lighting the dark. He winces, one hand releasing the rod and covering the tattoo. He removes the rod from Shio's back, whips its towards his head. Shio falls, severely weakened, releasing his hold on Suzue. Common sense and instinct tell her to get away from him, but she's lost too much blood. Zero grabs the vampire by his throat, holds him up.

"She is not a meal," Zero growls. His grip tightened. He reaches down, rips at Shio's left wrist. He looks at Suzue, trembling from the effort of controlling himself. "Drink, Amaya."

Her face twists in disgust; she can't help it. The thought of drinking blood repulses her. "No." She shakes her head desperately.

"If you don't, you'll end up like me."

"No." She starts to cry again. She is weak. Nothing like Yuki. _Yuki wouldn't have cried in this situation, _she thinks. "I don't want to be a vampire, I don't want to hurt people."

"You remember your sister?" Zero snaps. "You remember what she became? Do you want that to happen to you?"

"It doesn't matter what happens to me," she cries. "What about you? _You_? That's what's going to happen to _you_, Zero! I don't care if I become that--"

"I do!" His expression is furious. "Drink!"

With a sob, she presses her lips reluctantly to the blood. As it touches her tongue, she gags, but swallows obediently anyway. Shio grimaces. Reacting quickly, his nails slash at her throat. She hears Zero shout, and Shio is suddenly flung away. Her blood is pouring in waves onto the ground. How does she have this much? She's never seen so much blood.

"Amaya."

The voice speaking her name. "Ze..."

"Don't try to speak, Amaya. Hurry. Bite me."

He pulls down the collar on his shirt, but she doesn't see. Her vision is almost gone. She sways. Her blood keeps flowing. His tattoo sends waves of pain into him, but he holds himself back. He must restrain himself. If he takes any of her blood, she will die. He must control himself, for her.

"Bite me!"

A firm hand shoves her against his neck. She inhales, or tries to. Her lungs don't seem to be working.

"Don't die yet, Amaya. Just hang on for a few more minutes, damn it!"

When it becomes clear that she hasn't the strength to bite, he steels himself against the pain and pulls a pocket knife. He slices himself shallowly and presses her to it.

"Ze...ro..."

"Stop saying my name! Save your energy!"

She opens her mouth weakly, and a bit of his blood is swallowed. It's not enough. She needs more, much more. At this rate, she won't get it in time. He clenches his teeth.

"Amaya, you need to bite me. Now!"

She tries, she does. For his sake, she tries. Her fangs appear. She tries to bite him, but she can't, not hard enough to break the skin. He helps her, pushes down until a torrent of blood is rushing down her throat. The wound on her arm heals, slowly. She is not a pureblood; neither is he. It will take a lot to heal her injuries. She drinks blindly. She's out of it, half in and half our of consciousness. Part of her doesn't even recognize that it is blood she's gulping down. She only lasts a few seconds, really, but to Zero it feels like infinity. Not because of the pain of being bitten, but because she was dying. Her fangs suddenly sheath. She falls away from his neck, limp in his arms. Her arm is healed, the fang marks on her neck are healed, but the slashes from Shio still drip blood.

"Amaya!" He tilts her head, puts a hand against her cheek. He is shouting. "Amaya!!"

Shio has gone, escaped, but Zero doesn't notice.

"Damn it, Amaya! Wake up!" He presses his lips harshly to hers. She doesn't move. Some part of his mind realizes this is the first time he's kissed her. "You can't die now, I refuse to let someone else die!"

_You never think of yourself. You only think of me. Why?_

"Wake up, Amaya! You won't die, I won't let you, Amaya!"

_Why?_

"_Suzue_!!"

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A/N: good? bad? sad? dumb?

feedback, please and thank you.

do you want another chapter?


	4. Deserving

A/N: wow. it's popular. i'm a little shocked. thanks, guys.

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Deserving

Suzue wakes up with her body tired. There is a dull stiffness in her neck, and a strangely coppery aftertaste in her mouth. She looks around. She is lying on a sofa by a lit fireplace.

"You're awake," says a relieved voice.

Kaien Cross smiles at her. He is sitting in the armchair directly across from the sofa, holding a cup of tea. The light of the fire is reflected in his glasses.

"How long was I asleep?" She tries to sit up. The world pitches violently, and she sinks back against the pillows.

"I wouldn't really say 'asleep'. I would choose something more along the lines of 'comatose'."

At the panicked look on her face, he adds, "Only for a few hours, don't worry. You're fine."

She looks down. Her clothes, jeans and the only white tank top she owns, are covered in blood. So completely covered that, at first glance, the tank top looks red. She looks at her arm. The fang marks are gone. Her fingers ghost over the skin of her neck. The slashes and puncture marks are gone. Kaien sits quietly, watching her, as she realizes what has happened.

"I'm not fine," she says bitterly. "I'm a vampire."

"Drink this." He hands her a cup.

She downs the contents quickly, barely tasting it, but the aftertaste tells her what it is. She dry heaves as the dissolved blood tablets hit her stomach. She takes a breath, heaves again.

"You're safe from Level E--" he begins.

"I'm a monster!"

He fixes her with a calm stare. She wonders momentarily what happened to the kid-like Headmaster she had known. "Is that what you think of them now?"

"It's what I've always thought!" She grinds the heels of her palms into her eyes. "Ever since one killed my father and turned Natsumi into a...a..._thing_!"

He sets down his cup and clasps his hands together. "Really? Because I seem to recall knowing a student who, three years ago, would have done anything she could to help the Night and Day Classes get along."

"Three years is a long time, Kaien-senpai. People change." _Both in personality and species._

"Tell me, Suzue, would your opinion of vampires still have changed if you didn't love Zero?"

She bites her lip. So he even knows that she only hates vampires because of what they've done to Zero. Is she really that transparent?

"He doesn't love you back, Suzue," Kaien says sympathetically. "You're deluding yourself to think he would ever love anyone but Yuki, and you're--"

"I know," she interrupts. "Don't say it."

"You're not--"

"Please don't say it, Headmaster!" cries Suzue desperately, pleadingly, clapping her hands over her ears in an attempt to block him out.

He watches her, an obvious sadness on his face, and says softly, "You don't go to school here anymore, Suzue. You don't have to call me Headmaster."

She covers her face, takes a deep breath. "I know he'll never love me. Because I'm not Yuki."

_I know that. But it hurts all the same, Headmaster._

Suzue stands and is gone within a few minutes. Zero steps out of the shadows.

"She won't leave you, you know," says the Headmaster sadly. "She loves you too much."

Zero doesn't reply.

"Did you see her face, Zero?" Kaien asks. "She was so hurt when I said those things. Lying to her like that, what good will it do?"

Zero's hand clench and unclench as he controls his growing blood-lust. "I must do whatever it takes to get her as far away from me as possible."

"Is that what you want?"

Zero stiffens. "It's not about what I want," he admits after a while. "It's about what is best for her."

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She wanders aimlessly around the school. It's about five or six in the morning. The vampires are in their dorms, classes over; the humans sleep unawares. _To be seventeen again._

Her stomach gurgles. She'd thrown up the blood tablets, her body unable to deal. She doesn't understand. They're supposed to work for her. She's a normal vampire, isn't she? Those words make her cringe. There is no such thing as a normal vampire.

A sharp pain surges through her. She stumbles against the wall, clutching at her neck. She doesn't understand! What's going on? Where is this pain coming from? Her fingers curl around a doorknob, twist it. She practically falls into the room, pushing the door closed behind her. Her breathing is heavy. The pain...the thirst. Her eyes snap open, and she is staring in a mirror. Evidently this is an empty dorm room. The full-length mirror hanging on the wall is tarnished. How old is this room? She stares at her reflection. Vampires are beautiful; it's in their DNA. They must be inviting, must have something to draw in their prey. Suzue is not beautiful. Weren't you supposed to change if you were turned?

Her red hair is dark, nearly black, same as always. Her eyes are the dark blue they always were. Her skin is pale, just like before. Her foreign looks are not beautiful. They're not even pretty. Her nose is small, her face too round. Her figure isn't beautiful either. Her bust isn't big enough, her hips too wide. Some would say she is proportionate, but who cares about proportion? She's not pretty. She's an ugly vampire. She snorts at her reflection. She couldn't be human correctly; now she can't be vampire correctly. Yuki was a prettier human than Suzue was a vampire. A _vampire_. Specifically designed to be a gorgeous species. She sighs.

The pain returns, her hand snaps up to her neck. The same side that Zero's tattoo is on. Her eyes glow red and the thirst returns. She needs blood. She needs it now.

_What's going on?_

She leaves the room, tripping, unable to walk straight. Sweat drips down her back. She feels drunk. Her vision is spinning, and her shoulder hits another door, hard. She hears voices down the hall. _Can't be around people. Not like this. _She opens this door, collapsing inside.

"Stay...back..." someone pants.

She pushes herself up onto her knees, shaking. She knows that voice. "Zero? What's--Ahh!"

She presses both hands to her neck, as if that will make the pain stop. Zero is in the corner of the room, his tattoo brightly glowing. His eyes are red. He turns his head to the side and retches blood. She looks at it. It's not blood; she recognizes it because it is the same stuff she threw up earlier. Blood tablets.

"You shouldn't have taken tablets," she says. Speaking takes effort. "You know they don't work on--Gah." She coughs violently, dry heaving for the third time.

_Whatever he experiences...I experience. This shouldn't happen. Blood bonds are only supposed to form with purebloods._

"Zero..." she moans, crawling toward him. "Make it stop. If you drink my blood..." She has to pause for a moment, ride out another ripple of pain. "...it'll stop."

"I can't..." he protests weakly. "Not from you...not again..."

"Stop being a baby." She meets his blood red eyes, and out come his fangs. As they pierce her neck, she lets out her held breath. His thirst diminishes; so does hers. When he is done, he leans back against the wall, his eyes closed. She is sure that when he opens them, they will be normal again. His tattoo has dimmed. She touches her fingertip to her neck. His bite is already healing.

"My fault," he murmurs. "I'm so sorry."

Her eyes widen. Zero is crying. She pulls him against her, holds his head to her chest.

"So sorry," he repeats. "So, so sorry."

Then the tears are gone. She knows, she can tell. Yet he doesn't pull away. Her mind zooms ahead of its own accord, analyzing every possible option for why he isn't moving away from her. She over-thinks things all the time. She stops the countless scenarios playing in her mind and says, "It's alright."

"No. It's not." Zero pushes away from her, stands, turns his back on her. She closes off her mind against the pain this gesture causes. It hurts that he hates her this much.

She doesn't say anything. She looks down at her hands.

"Go." His voice is a growl. He's ashamed. "I don't want you here."

Anger flares briefly. "I don't care. You'll die if you don't feed regularly--"

"Good."

"Stop that," she scolds. "I don't want you to die, Zero. And you can't get rid of me so easily."

"If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who tried to get rid of _me_. What caused the change of heart?"

She can't answer. She doesn't want him to know she loves him. She can already imagine the numerous ways for him to tell her he doesn't feel the same. All of them are equally painful.

"It doesn't matter," says Zero when she doesn't answer. "I can't have you around me anymore, Amaya."

"Why?" She sounds childish, like she is five, but she doesn't care.

"I can't keep feeding off of you."

"Who says you can't?"

"I do!" he snaps. She knows that he tries to keep everything bottled inside, but eventually he just overloads. "I can't keep hurting you like this, Amaya! You almost _died_!"

"That wasn't you! That was--"

"It might as well have been me! Do you have any idea what it's like to know I'm putting you in danger every time I touch you? Every time I so much as look at you?"

She has a feeling she does. She can feel his emotional hurt in the back of her mind. _How are we linked?_

"What do you care? You didn't have a problem with it for months--"

"What do I care?" he repeated, his voice dangerously low. Suzue clamps her mouth shut, worried she's crossed some invisible line. "Of course it was easy for me in the beginning, but now--" He stops.

"Now?" she asks gently, pressing him.

He whirls around. Something in his eyes flashes. "It's harder now, because I care about you! Damn it, Suzue, I love you!" He takes a breath, puts his hand over his eyes. "That's why you have to go. You have to leave and not look back."

Suzue said nothing, just stared in open-mouthed shock. _He...he what? _The fact that he had both confessed his love for her and said her first name in the same sentence was making it a little hard for her to form coherent sentences.

"I can't leave," she says finally, falteringly.

"Damn it--" he begins angrily. "Just because you're a vampire now--"

"You're so _stupid_, Zero."

He stares at her.

"Are you really so dense that you don't even know that I love you too?"

"No, no, _no_!!" Zero yells, hands on his head as he sinks back to his knees. "You can't. I don't deserve it--!"

She pulls his hands away from his face and kisses him hard on the mouth. Teeth and lips clash, fangs tear at sensitive flesh. When she pulls back, she can taste her blood and his. She fixes him with a glare that she hopes is fierce.

"Whether you deserve it or not," she says, because it is pointless to try and convince him that he does, really does, deserve it, "it's right here in front of you. Now, take it."

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A/N: thoughts?

feedback, reviews, much appreciated.

please and thank you. another chapter or leave it here?


	5. Don't Question It

A/N: okay...the original plan was to make this a oneshot. and then people liked it and reviewed and the ideas started flowing...turning it into a two-shot. and now it has basically escalated from there. i never imagined people would like it enough to want me to continue. thanks a bunch.

* * *

_"Now, take it."_

That's what she had told him. She doesn't expect him to actually _listen_ to her, ha! It's Zero! He never does what he's told--

Her thoughts are pleasantly interrupted when Zero's lips cover hers harshly. His hands pull her roughly against him, and suddenly he's kissing her with such force and hunger that she finds it hard to breathe. He pulls back to whisper, "I've never kissed you all those nights." As he goes right back to doing what he was before, despite the fact that they are both a little winded, her mind puts two and two together and realizes this is his way of making up for lost time. Then his hand is up her shirt and she stops thinking altogether.

"Suzue." He practically growls her name, her _first _name, and she's filled to the brim with a joy that can't be caused by anything else. A small, small part of her is disappointed in how pathetically happy this man makes her, but the rest of her mind doesn't care right now. At least, it doesn't care until he steps away from her.

"Zero?" Her voice is hoarse from the fierceness of his kisses. She wants him back, wants his mouth back on hers, and she wants it _now_. She's waited long enough, hasn't she?

"I've caused you so much pain. Why do you love me?"

She yanks him back towards her. She has had _enough_ of this, damn it! "Don't question it, Zero! Just accept it!"

"How can I accept something that doesn't make sense?"

"You just _do_!" She flails her arms a little for emphasis. She really hopes he wouldn't keep this argument up for long.

"Yuki wouldn't love me, why would you?"

As he tries to look away from her, she puts her hands to his face and forces him to look at her. His violet eyes bore into hers, filled with self-loathing. She wants to wipe that away. She wants him to be as happy as she is. She wants him to feel loved.

"Because," she says in a serious tone, fighting back her smile, "I'm not Yuki."

* * *

A/N: okay. this is short. but i wanted to sort of just wrap it up.

anyone want an epilogue? or would you prefer sequel? if it's a sequel it might just end up being a oneshot anyway. it would probably be set a few years after this.

let me know.


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